Finding meaning for my life Part 2

Early this morning I broke a chair with my knee and got and to my surprise I did not care just wiped the blood and moved on. I am tired so tired of living like this and yet I do not have the strength to change. I make plans for change and give immediately after. my plans flunk quicker than it takes for nail polish to dry on the nail. my room is hot, stuffy and filthy. everything is on the floor, a bucket with smelly pee, doom, pieces of a broken chair still on the floor, wallet, clean and dirty clothes, hand and laptop bag, tissues etc. the bookcase looks like mess, dirty dishes, two week old bread in the oven. in short my room is filthy plain and simple, just like my life. am tired am tired. AS I GROW I NEED TO LEARN TO TAKE DECISIONS TO CHANGE MY LIFE NO MATTER HOW IT IS.