Monday, 12 October 2015
Finding meaning for my life Part 2
Early this morning I broke a chair with my knee and got and to my surprise I did not care just wiped the blood and moved on. I am tired so tired of living like this and yet I do not have the strength to change. I make plans for change and give immediately after. my plans flunk quicker than it takes for nail polish to dry on the nail. my room is hot, stuffy and filthy. everything is on the floor, a bucket with smelly pee, doom, pieces of a broken chair still on the floor, wallet, clean and dirty clothes, hand and laptop bag, tissues etc. the bookcase looks like mess, dirty dishes, two week old bread in the oven. in short my room is filthy plain and simple, just like my life. am tired am tired. AS I GROW I NEED TO LEARN TO TAKE DECISIONS TO CHANGE MY LIFE NO MATTER HOW IT IS.
Sunday, 11 October 2015
Finding meaning to my existance
Every morning wake like a robot or broken record I do the same things. I wake up eat, watch tv, bath and go to work and play with internet the whole day until it is time to go home. I am tired, my body hurts from excessive eating and sleep because that is what I do with my free time. If am not eating I am sleeping if I am not sleeping am watching tv or watching a movie on my laptop. my room is so filthy it is a rat and cockroaches' paradise. It is not rare ton find dishes that have not been washed in two weeks or clothes that have not been washed in six months and bedding that has not been washed in a yea or a blanket that has not been washed in 2 years.
I do not care about my appearance, ironically my job requires someone who really cares about their appearance. am 28 and already under debt review, working hard every day to keep up with my fake reputation of being perfect jenny. it is exhausting and most of the time I feel like am carrying mount Everest on my shoulders and trying to climb it at the same time. I just want to be myself whatever that means, I do not even know what I believe anymore because like a wave I go the group am with wants to go at that time. AS I GROW I HAVE TO FIND MY OWN PATH
I do not care about my appearance, ironically my job requires someone who really cares about their appearance. am 28 and already under debt review, working hard every day to keep up with my fake reputation of being perfect jenny. it is exhausting and most of the time I feel like am carrying mount Everest on my shoulders and trying to climb it at the same time. I just want to be myself whatever that means, I do not even know what I believe anymore because like a wave I go the group am with wants to go at that time. AS I GROW I HAVE TO FIND MY OWN PATH
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